he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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