My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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