toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
