Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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