I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
