Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
