Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need a beard to bite.
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