They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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