Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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