In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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