She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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