my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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