Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
