Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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