They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think my mom watched the whole time
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
