I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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