You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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