i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
