either way he was missing a nipple.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
