alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
