"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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