I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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