When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
