Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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