clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
