I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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