Cold hands, warm shart.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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