He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
