last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
