Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
