and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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