Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
