I showed him my bush... on skype.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
