I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
