At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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