If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
