Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
