Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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