i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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