This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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