You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
