I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
