Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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