They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
