I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
