he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
