What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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