There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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