Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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