I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
