The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
