Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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