New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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