You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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