Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
