Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
